please visit my blog at http://raininghorse.blogspot.com/

I have started a daily blog called HumbleServant. You may link to it directly from my main website, or by going to: http://360.yahoo.com/brucehaedt Updates will occur on most weekdays and occasionally I will post on the weekend as well.

everything really is connected. my culture-addled brain wants me to forget this, keep me standing in the field alone, but my body will always remind me. my heart will break, my bones will ache, my breath will some small gasping make. the point of all-connection for me must start when i first roll out of bed, or the chances of the day being spent in a brain-spin media-frenzy are significantly high. smokey the bear pointing into the red zone. prayers of gratitude, prayers of humility, eyes wide open, smelling the morning air as i walk to work, these points of departure set the course for a day of connectivity, grace and joy.

continuity has its own justice, or lack of continuity has its own justice, or renewal of continuity has its own justice. mercy is the space between the rows of corn. jam is zarathustra speaking to fruit. mark twain cabbage grows in heads that walk along the mississippi river. in which history of my life does the cobweb sing? you were remembered today in my prayers, as i am trying to do everyday, with a high degree of success by the way. remembered in gratitude exactly as you are. no request to spirit to change you into someone or something else. you are the mother, i am the father, our children are blessed and nothing, nothing can take away that blessing. not you, not me, and i am still surprised when an attempt is made. how sad the days can be when all we see is someone else's shit. that is the definitive state of desperation. i am in gratitude every day to not be in that state.

just guessing, but the pace of change, difficult moments strung together to teach each of us our own needed lesson, is in high gear right now. so much suffering, so much beauty, and reams of information about how to detach, trust the process, give generously. had a wonderful photo session with tiffany, 2 months shy of giving birth, and in the same weekend letting go of yet another layer of attachment to my own children - understanding that it is driving the communication with their mother deeper into conflict. how to get the message through to them that i am with them every day? prayer is the advice that comes from my trusted servants, walking backward helps. i danced backward most of the night last night, found myself weeping into the ribcage of a woman whose father died 2 weeks ago. then we all laughed and had a feast.

having taken a step back from the patterns in place in 2005, my certainty of who and why i am has flown open - and i am grateful. music-wise, the good shepherd album still needs final artwork, and then the decision to manufacture or burn as a method of distribution. new music happening with isla, nature and ben all on the horizon. dance with the turtles is now a constant, as is work with my guides; gene, tim, and those i guide. also amy, sean, troy, barbara and the rest of the "walking" community bring a smile to my face at the very thought. this will be a good year because every day has its own richness, be it sweet, sad, dynamic, quiet-to-silent, on a motorcycle, in the trees, or here in the web of the web.

community becomes increasingly important; isloation breeds discontent and depression. dance is vital, breath is dance, the working vacation of the day.

moving in all directions - the corpse of time laying out clothing for the winter.
never recognized - always a blessing, even in the haze of fear.
sometimes i pace through the small kitchen, some path an animal walked to heal.
talked with isla last night about healing animals, playing music and christmas with family - or alone - singing the songs we all know but in a different way.

difficult night sleep, interuppted by a crying, drunken young woman in the parking lot... someone had let the air out of 2 of her tires.