There has been a break since my last post, and before that I have been sporadic. This is because I've been thinking what my message should even be about. Also, I've been going through some stuff. A year ago I had a very bad reaction to my first chemo treatment. After a week in the hospital I was finally given to understand that my heart had nearly stopped for good. A second treatment put me into shock, and at that point the doctor said I was done with chemo. Thank goodness! Then recently, I nearly lost my son. He had been complaining of headaches, and finally a scan revealed a subdural hematoma. Since then I've heard of some other people having the same, potentially fatal, thing happen, something I'd never even heard of before.
Once he'd had surgery and was recovering, I could breathe again. I've been pondering what meaning there might be in these rather shocking events.
What I've learned is, we really aren't in control here. I was raised to believe that if you ate right, exercised and brushed your teeth, life would go well for you. Well, ok that is an oversimplification but you get the idea. My family was pretty judgmental, believing that if something bad happened to someone they probably deserved it. I grew into a rather anxious adult, always scanning the horizon for things to watch out for, always trying to be perfect so that nothing bad would happen. Surprise! Very bad things indeed can and do happen, straight out of left field. What a relief it is to know this. What flows out of this is the understanding of what matters, and that is, we're here to love ourselves, and the life we have been given. We are not here to beat ourselves up. As I've learned to relax and just love my life, I have begun to feel connected to everything and everyone. Turns out, all the clichés are true! So, go with the flow out there. And have some fun.
