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My Forever Prayer to the
Universe
I am praying to never go there
again
I had a tough time reaching inn
to understand
I have to feel the death to
find the answers why I've been born
I have to fight so many demons,
they're tearing me apart in karmic storm
Until my lifeless soul saved by
the Divine Light is transformed
I was a non believer, a very
stubborn one
Until the Light arise
And there was nothing wrong
with my eyes
It was look like a sheer white
cloud hiding the sun
If anyone convince me – The
sun is fake
I will admit that faith in God
was my mistake
But only if you'll proved it
By taking the sun from the sky
and hold it in your hands
Until you'll do that, a Faith
in Absolute Divine will never ends.
I wish no one to see what
I've seen, feel what I've felt, and to be what I was
Don't ask me why, don't ask me
how come, don't ask.......... because
I was killed and I died, then
It touches my heart and healed
It opens my mind to find
A Higher Wisdom inside
And I did, and I do, and I will
It is make me stronger when
I'm weak, it heals when feeling ill, comforts when I’m lonely,
inspires when depressed, soothes me when I cry, guides me
when I lost, make my world when I need And comes true
when I wish........................................
My life transformation, a path unique and rad. Absolute crises and confrontation with death. Turn the new page leaving behind all the chaos, suffers and regret. Things I wish never happen again, something I will never forget.
Thank you for reading it.
WISDOM
QUEST
We
are a grains of sand
Compare
to Infinite Space
But
is important what we're done
In
present life, the time and place
Remember
that no matter who you are
You
are born to reach your best
And
after that will travel far
To
undiscovered Universe
My
time is come for Wisdom Quest
It
is the my lifetime final test
One
part I passed and ready for the rest......
Allow
yourself to believe
Open
yourself to the Light
Dissolve
the shadow of doubt
Allow
yourself see the other side
And
you learn what is all about
Change
prospective of thinking
Was
hard for me and took long
Until
my life vessel start sinking
And
I've realize what was wrong
Lived
in own material bubble
With
a placid exterior face
This
was my plastic double
That
one day I decided erase
Erase
all exceed of material needs
Everyday
cutting down what is still exceeds
See
what you're missing, a freedom to live
Freed
from the doubt and allow yourself to believe
July
22 2011
Seven
Equal One
Once
as a warrior
Once
as a Wife
Twice
as Atlantis at the birth I've arrived
This
time I was touched by the Divine Light
The
light is healed me and saved my life
Until
the time for departure to the other side
The
God has spoke through Me from the Heaven
And
showed Me the Worlds divided by Seven
Seven
is equal the One
As
the daylight equal to the sun
January
2011
A WORDS OF THE GRATITUDE.
I AM GRATEFUL FOR
ALL I HAVE – I HAVE ALL
I AM NOW COMPLETE – I AM WHOLE
MY HOME IS SAFE BEHIND THE DOOR
INSIDE IS MY OWN PERFECT WORLD
THIS IS ALL I NEED NOTHING MORE
I AM GRATEFUL EVERY MORNING FOR MY EYES
THAT SEE THE DAYLIGHT
FOR ONE MORE DAY ENJOY TO BE ALIVE,
FOR LET ME BE ALRIGHT
FOR THE GIFT NO MONEY CAN BUY, IS IT
CALLED SATISFACTION
WITHOUT OF IT THE HAPPINESS IS JUST
SELF-DISTRACTION
I AM GRATEFUL EVERY EVENING LAY IN MY
WARM BED AND GET A GOOD REST
FOR MAKE ME FEEL EVERYDAY BETTER, AND
TOMORROW THE BEST
FOR YOUR PAITIENCE WITH ME BEING
TROUBLE MAKE SO MANY MISTAKES
THANK YOU FOR NOT GIVING UP ON ME
CHANGED MY LIFE WITH ALL IT TAKES
I AM GRATEFUL CLOSED MY EYES AND FEEL
INNER PEACE
THANK FOR GIVING ME CHANCE TO BE, TO
MAKE ME LIKE THIS........
The Thoughts of a Higher Mind
My thoughts are make me who I am
I don't want to become someone else
Being tired and overwhelmed
Hear what the inner voice tells:
Leave no space in my brain
For self-pity and blame
Keep away for attraction
Leading to self-distraction
Turn a false expectations
Into true inspirations
Useless memories of the past
Brush away like a dust
Stop small and negative thinking
Open what's underneath, deep and wise
My Higher Mind, Please Arise
Intuition
*Fourteen years ago I
had a vision
Saw the bridge to my
future getting ready for demolition
I heard the
warning loud like a siren
This was my intuition
Nothing more serious in my life that I can recall
My intuition never
lied, I felt the shocking truth in my heart and soul
It saved my life before
more than twice
It was screamed in my ear, you
will suffer and deeply regret
This is final
warning not a friendly advise
My father was gravely ill and I choose to sacrifice
It was turning ugly,
much worse that I can handle, so bad Not only a war, it was the third confrontation with death
Deeply wounded, bare
foot, believed that I've managed escape
But the darkness was
waiting nearby and covered me under It's cape
Never again save me
please I won't dare ever do this again
Its to late intuition told me now you will understand
That was six years
back I survived and partially heal
And gave intuition a
key from the locker where I keep my Self Will.....
*Continue in the
poem “At The Darkness”
June
21 2011
Dreamwalker
There
was a dream, I thought it was a dream
But
it was something else very bizarre and extreme
I
was somewhere then I got shot and killed
I
saw myself dying feeling pain in my heart it was real
Watching
myself dying from above
And
I felt weightlessness, fragmented, transparent
I
flew faster than light as I went somewhere and saw indescribable
stuff
Later
I realized where I was and the things I had learned
Even
for me it was too much to absorb and overbearing
I
had no fear as something guided my mind and told me not to worry
I
felt her transparent presence explaining the story
She
helped my brain to process the transitional stages
Without
her I couldn't pass this test for a human being is too outrageous
She
told me the place where we were at was called astral level 7
It's
a place where a people's souls go after they die
Look like a
transparent busy train station to heaven
There
some other stuff I saw in different stages
Souls
of the bad people's fragmentation
Some lost, some suffering locked up
in invisible cages
Some
of the things just have no words for explanation
I
learned a lot of how human's past lives effect on their soul's
fragmentation
I
am better keep this to myself; it was so amazing
If
I tell this to anyone on the Earth they would think I am crazy
Shouldn't
supposed to be there until I am going to die
But
she assisted this travel and now I know how to make it right
It
was not an easy way to come back to the ground I didn't awake
I
was pulled, felt like after drowning in deep waters of river or
lake
Gasping
for breath and later felt a little bit dizzy
I
was lucky to come back at all after travel so far, it wasn't that
easy.
2001
At
the darkness
(A blast from the past)
I
been there. Where? At the darkness
Walking
bare foot, stumble over the creatures of negative force
Swimming
along with sharks, howl with the wolves on full moon
Hiding in holes
with a rodents.
I
have seen many bad things around
Existed near people who's
done it
I pretend that I don't understand
And
I
told them what they want it to hear
Playing
role of flexible spineless puppet in evil hands of the puppeteer
Why?
Because I wish to get lost
After I loss everyone I loved, everything
I had
Ambushed
by tragic deaths One after another
Then two special people I trusted had my head on the platter
One
was a man of 9 years in my life, the other one my half-blood
brother.
One is robbed, betrayed me so bad
One spit on my father's grave
His loaded 45' safety off click I felt on my forehead
Told me do you want to live? Not a muscle on me shaken
I said
you took the rest, all was taken
Except dignity, this is so sad, but I am tired to be your slave,
and rather be dead. I
step forward and he step back, I walk outside, that was it, I
was hollow, totally wreck
Feeling
cold in my chest, my heart was frozen, shallow beating inside like
mechanical ball
And
when I realized that I have nothing, Nothing to worry about
Nothing to care anymore, no doubt
Darkness
was very inviting and I step inn under its cover
Silly
thought this may help me recover
And of course never thought about myself, stop thinking at all
About the damage fragmenting my soul
One big lesson I learned
While digging myself from the
pile of mud and dirt
Should
be better reason for me in this life to be born
Other that
live in the darkness abused and hurt
I saved all my human qualities, hidden
from harm
Battling darkness, long time after the warning alarm
As
long as I am alive, will do the best I can
Working hard to succeed again and again
Dreams
of the Past, Present and Future
The
biggest dream when you are a teen
To
make a “slow” moving time fast forward
Can't
hardly wait to be over eighteen
Which
is perfectly normal
Thirty
three and around at your prime
Wish
to succeed in your dreams
It
is the best age and time
To
create your own family and your carriers
Then
life suddenly changed
it pace
Real
world is far from perfection
Hard
challenges that we have to faced
Far
away from a dream recollection.
Life
is a serious teacher, make you learn
The
hard way from all the mistakes
And
happens that all you have earned
Taken away and brakes
I
was broken, bruised and scratched
Until
had not one solid bone
Left unharmed and untouched
By
that time at late 30s realized, all is gone
Some
people learn fast some never will
My
awaking in early 40s
Helped
to create an invisible shield
That
protects from the stress and the worries
Balance
inside of your mind
Yin and Yang daily workout
Every
small thing with an underline sign
Leads
to right answers, no doubt
May
2th 2011
Four-teen
(Angel never died) Lyrics
First
is the birth, the growth
Short
happy childhood
Life
took wrong turn and skip being a teen
Long
before time, become very young adult
At
the age of Fourteen
Angel
told you baby don't cry, Angel is in your heart deep inside
Mind
confusion set by deep dark taboo
You
don't understand how come, don't know why?
Only
one thing you know is who,
Who
did this to you, who force you to lied In
the mirror reflection look at your double, and saw a complete
stranger
In
reality you were just a child in big trouble and danger.
Only
Angel will help you survive, only
Angel will keep you alive
Angel
inside you make you feel
Honored if you choose a sacrifice Almost
got yourself killed
Demon
inside tell you to try, Feel so good take a wild ride
And you took this advise
There was a wild ride
And at first you feel much better
Demon
inside of you lied
Said that's will help to forget
Only Angel in you never
lied, only Angel in you never died
May
4th 2011
LIFE-
DEATH- and REBIRTH
Promise
me that you will not cry
Can
happens anytime even tomorrow
Please
be happy for me when I die
I
will be free from all sorrow
Set
me free from chaos and disaster
Flesh
and bones let it rest in the hole
I
would follow the light to see my Master
I
mean the Master of my soul
I
feel that strange power inside
Like
mother told me 20 years ago
Just
follow your path and you will be alright
You
will find what you need it to know.
So
I did found my purpose with a mission
Its
the honor for a human being soul
Powered
with Higher permission
Very
soon you will know all
I
got clearly clues from more that one source
You
can't change what's taking it coarse
Wrote
for me connected each word
LIFE-
DEATH- and REBIRTH
The
Exit Sign
Later
more and more I feel
When
see exit signs that end is near
People
like misbehaving guests why?
Because
we overpowered the globe?
Wasted
nature gifts sucked dry? In
the universe we are not bigger that a microbe
There
is no more paradise for us
Dying
planet want us out of here
Houses
with the green trees and grass
Soon
wont see anywhere near
Exit
signs
In
bright green light
Feels
like the end of green zone reminds
We
are passing through walking out left or right
What
if one day we'll walk and there will be nothing but the dark
outside?.........
Mother
Nature gave us unlimited air supply Furious to see us
wasting Earthy essentials
Strikes trashing our homes and wasting our
live
Stop battling with the force or we'll never survive
United
to protect our planet's environmental health and support victims of the
natural disasters
June
2011
Plastic girl
Years ago then I was it all
Packed in plastic
Thought of technology
As groundbreaking reality
into fantastic
Future depends on for all
Dream of every American boy
and girl
Later realizing somewhere I
was stuck
And saw the Western World as
overloaded truck
Filled with the computers on
the top of the cliff
That was beginning for me
and for all new belief.
Opened the book of the
Wisdom of the Ancients
Who became the Greatest
Adepts that Exists
Learning about the
civilizations
From the Depths of Far East.
Forgiveness
I
did forgave who hurt me bad
Who
make me sick, who wants me dead
Who
make me suffer after loss
Until
my heart like stone frost
A
tiny light of hope inside
Keep
me away from suicide
I
did forgave who broke my wings
A
ruthless people who stole my things
I
am alive and got a grip
But
pain still there and grief is deep
A
question mark addressed to sky
Who'll
give the answer why I survive?
What
is my answer in this world
Who
knows the answer, clue or word?
I
will continue seeking further
It
is my Soul, and this its order
Finally
I got the answers,
And
stop a rabbits chase of new tomorrow
All
of the knowledge and awareness
In
the honor loved ones I have lost
Help
to overcome of feeling sorrow
Prepared,
put together all I got, listen to my Soul and follow my heart
Chosen
right walking strong on my path
Sadness
There is so much
sadness
In my heart
In the rage of madness
Falling apart
There is so much grief
Without of tears I cry
I run out can you
believe
All my lifetime tear
supply
There is lost of trust
Like my brother traded
loyalty for greed
So I traded my love for
disgust
I can never forget what
he did
I lost my mom, grandma and
my dad
All my family died
I was shattered, left
me on my own
I was broken, I want to
be dead
Can you blaming why I
wasn't strong?
I am stronger now
Not physically, in my
heart
I can't really explain
you how
I was finally found my
path
When I got it that
anger and madness
Never let settle peace
in my mind
Today's rain is the
tears of my sadness
Brings tomorrow
rainbows and sunshine.
March 2011
Thirty
three seconds (Dedicated to the victims of
natural disasters around the world)
We are
living on the planet Earth
As long as
the planet alive
Kicking
the surface every 33 seconds non-stop
Every 33
seconds earthquake somewhere in the world
Someone
losing home and (or) get hurt
We are the
billion ants infecting the globe
Never all
of us unite to help our planet survive.
Question
is not how? Everyone knows why
It is how
long? Until Mother Nature decide
How long
will It take “this” and keep us alive
Exactly
what is the meaning of “THIS”?
The
problem is people indeed don't believe “this” is really exists!
Stop
controversial thinking! The treat is real not a “Star Wars”
Those who
in power to minimize global warming
Will never
stops of course
Positive
thinking is healthy but doesn't mean keep this subject avoided
Will you
think otherwise if your house one day get destroyed?
My home in
California by the Pacific bay
Luckily
been unharmed in my lifetime + few more decade
Tourists
all over the world watching sunset and graceful tides
So am I,
make a wish: Live long and when is my time to die
Remember last second before this horizon collided with ocean and
sky.
Until then
continue doing my part for my planet defenseAlong with
the people who cares until the end of the days
Twice many
thinks, what we're trying to do make no sense
What is done is done and cannot be erased
Every
action has a consequence to follow up
Just in
case if you never thought
What you
do is your karma as well as I have mine
But we're
share one world
I said
more that enough and will stop
Only you
can change your own
mind
In the memory to all
the victims of the Natural disasters around the world.
June 22nd 2011
Wear 'n'
Tear
Damaged
like a car beyond repair
Life isn't
simply wear and tear
Within a
years advance aware
Programmed
your life for 20 years ahead
What if
tomorrow you get hit by a car and ending dead
Curl up in
the sofa watching TV
Accident
on the freeway and someone is died
He was
driving home when his karma strike
Can you
see???
He was
just like you lived in his bubble in big bubble bath
One day
your bubble will pop, then what?
Nothing,
Someone
else will be sit on the sofa and watching TV.
June 2011
Tears is Good Sometimes
Why???
Why
sometimes I cry?
Home
in peace and rest
Lost
all interests
Nothing
cheered me up
Feeling
like a crap
Why
I am depressed?
Sad
and all alone
Praying
to be strong
Empty
in my heart
Fallowing
apart
Everything
the same
Life
- pathetic game
Sick
of all abuses
Ridiculous
excuses
Praying
to be strong
In
the dark alone.
Why
I let it slide
Lost
again my pride
If
I couldn't cry
I
could loose my mind
Tears
is good sometime
Give
me reason WHY?
I
am better shy?
Choking
on my words
With
my silent thoughts
If the words I say
Comes
out the wrong way.
Many things is too late to catch Self-educated how to speak, write and read At the age of 27 start from scratch My English language learned from streets
My
intellect is hurt
If
I cannot find right word,
Get
embarrassed, stop talking?
When
hear somebody joking
Wrong
sentencing, and grammar
But doesn't make me dumber
If
people like what I'm saying, they're listen
Help
correcting what I am missing,
I am always asking a questions
To learn a new words and expressions
People
not hesitate with right answer,
I
am there with a paper and pencil.
I'm
feeling already much better
I
can read, write a poem or letter
Do
it my paintings and drawings,
Sculpting
from clay, plaster or doing ceramic
Graphics
design animation
Precious
jewelery, any creations.
Got
my spiritual inspiration
I
am Reiki and feel chi vibration
After
typing about my grief
I'm
getting a little relief
Tomorrow
all over again
Writing
my goals with paper and pen
Will
be better day after day
Pushing
negativity away
I
am praying for infinite peace
All
forgiven, just forget and dismiss........
April
20th 2011 Depression
Sucks
Depression
sucks, threw me off the tracks
Just
like everything is lost its meaning
What
is next? Wait for the “new beginning”?
Bored
out of my mind, tired even cry
Wish
curl up and die.
In
misery alone, what I am doing wrong?
Where
is thirst for desire, thoughts that catch on fire?
Pray
to stay strong, same old dance and song.
Feel
like losing a battle, brain stuck in the gutter
With
the rest of body parts
In
my sleeve, there no more cards.
Please
somebody drag me out of here
I
just want to disappear…………………… Greed
The
planet Earth
With
billions people around the world
Wars
everyday, everywhere
Very
soon will be total chaotic nightmare
How
much Mother Nature can take
Neglect
and abuse from a Man
After
tragic tsunami earthquake
Warning
signs to consider and learn
A
war over money and power
There
is a judgment waiting beneath
Is
it the time for the Higher Power
Kill
dark forces of the human greed
Everybody
united to help our planet survive,
For
our children sake and their future life
The
Earth will blooms if the roots will thrive
In
the memory of the victims and their families affected by the natural
disasters. Dedicated to victims in Japan earthquake and tsunami
March 2011
March
2011
TO
MY BEST FRIEND
It’s
Saturday again and here I am…
Alone
with my thoughts with my prayer with my grief
When
I will get some relief?
Who
will understands me the most
Keep
me going; help me find who I was
Who
will encourage my jittery steps?
Feeling
insights of my depths?
No
one I guess
Friend
is not a house guest
Friend
is life achievements strong
Many
times we’ll choosing wrong
Better
off to be alone.
That
is depression speaks, Stop!
Sick
of saying: “feeling like crap”
I
have friends they just live far away
They
are in my heart everyday.
When
we are reconnect after ten years
Saw
her face and both just burst in tears
Thirty
seven years later we are stand for each other
BFF, we're more than sisters, now she is more that my mother.
Nothing
else in the world is greater that friendship like that.
We
are never be apart only if one of us dead.
Happy Birthday Ira! 2/16/2011
Tears
of the Seattle's rain
The
sky turned gray
And
clouds covered the sun
On
April's warm spring day
Tears
burst into a cold Seattle's rain
The
grief of loss a man, the one
Talented
musician with a voice and heart of gold
A
beautiful human being soul
We'll
miss you and love you forever- Layne..........
Dedication to Layne Staley "Alice in Chains"
who inspired me to the creative outlet in the form of the poetry
Grief
Certain
things never leave
No
matter how hard you try
There
is one unconditional grief
Never
go away until you die.
My
falling friends,
And
everyone I loved very much
The
memories of you are so intense
Like
always staying in touch
There
is no measure for the grief
But
we are alive and have move on
Time
is a healer that give us relief
Today
we are here one day we'll be gone
March
2011
LOVE
Let's
talk about love
Emotion
complex beyond and above
Love
can be attraction and pain
Its
can make you happy or drive you insane
There
is the times I want to scream I want to kill
Somebody
who kill my love and make my heart ill
Bad
people just can't stand to see me in peace
How
much longer I have to put up with all this
I
have been broken so many times in so many ways
I
was shattered in pieces, which cannot be replace
Love
is a risky game, but I am still willing to open my heart
But
people playing with it, kicking, throw around then tear apart
Something
I thought was called love
Now
is hurt from deep scars not be able to heal
Delicate
like a dove
That somebody choked broke in a half and killed
My
believes is forgive everything and everyone
This
is who I am and it is my fate
No
matter how many bad things people done
In
my life not existing word hate
No
matter In English or Russian
HATE
IS NOT A CURSE
IT
IS MUCH MUCH WORSE
Only
if you learn to love yourself
And
giving true love to your friend
You
want to have this feeling
Before a life comes
to the end
February
23, 2011 Creative
outlet
I'm
write in ink of bleeding heart, hard heavy truth I write
I'm
painting things and shadows of the darkest side
Using
my favor color, black all 7 shades
I
speak my mind from the core to the bone no fear no hesitates
To
clean all the toxic emotions and beautiful something create
2011
Prayer
I
am praying to You
O
Divine Universe
Through
my Higher Self
Addressing
my prayers
I
am not asking for much
Please
just give me peace of mind
And
a little bit your mighty love
O
Absolute Divine
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