The Infinite Peace. Poems.

My Forever Prayer to the Universe

I am praying to never go there again

I had a tough time reaching inn to understand

I have to feel the death to find the answers why I've been born

I have to fight so many demons, they're tearing me apart in karmic storm

Until my lifeless soul saved by the Divine Light is transformed

I was a non believer, a very stubborn one

Until the Light arise

And there was nothing wrong with my eyes

It was look like a sheer white cloud hiding the sun

If anyone convince me – The sun is fake

I will admit that faith in God was my mistake

But only if you'll proved it

By taking the sun from the sky and hold it in your hands

Until you'll do that, a Faith in Absolute Divine will never ends.

I wish no one to see what I've seen, feel what I've felt, and to be what I was

Don't ask me why, don't ask me how come, don't ask.......... because

I was killed and I died, then It touches my heart and healed

It opens my mind to find

A Higher Wisdom inside

And I did, and I do, and I will

It is make me stronger when I'm weak, it heals when feeling ill, comforts when I’m lonely, inspires when depressed, soothes me when I cry, guides me when I lost, make my world when I need And comes true when I wish........................................

My life transformation, a path unique and rad. Absolute crises and confrontation with death. Turn the new page leaving behind all the chaos, suffers and regret.
Things I wish never happen again, something  I will never forget.
Thank you for reading it.


We are a grains of sand
Compare to Infinite Space
But is important what we're done
In present life, the time and place

Remember that no matter who you are
You are born to reach your best
And after that will travel far
To undiscovered Universe

My time is come for Wisdom Quest
It is the my lifetime final test

One part I passed and ready for the rest......

Allow yourself to believe

Open yourself to the Light

Dissolve the shadow of doubt

Allow yourself see the other side

And you learn what is all about

Change prospective of thinking

Was hard for me and took long

Until my life vessel start sinking

And I've realize what was wrong

Lived in own material bubble

With a placid exterior face

This was my plastic double

That one day I decided erase

Erase all exceed of material needs

Everyday cutting down what is still exceeds

See what you're missing, a freedom to live

Freed from the doubt and allow yourself to believe

July 22 2011

Seven Equal One

Once as a warrior

Once as a Wife

Twice as Atlantis at the birth I've arrived

This time I was touched by the Divine Light

The light is healed me and saved my life

Until the time for departure to the other side

The God has spoke through Me from the Heaven

And showed Me the Worlds divided by Seven

Seven is equal the One

As the daylight equal to the sun

January 2011


















The Thoughts of a Higher Mind

My thoughts are make me who I am

I don't want to become someone else

Being tired and overwhelmed

Hear what the inner voice tells:

Leave no space in my brain

For self-pity and blame

Keep away for attraction

Leading to self-distraction

Turn a false expectations

Into true inspirations

Useless memories of the past

Brush away like a dust

Stop small and negative thinking

Open what's underneath, deep and wise

My Higher Mind, Please Arise


*Fourteen years ago I had a vision
Saw the bridge to my future getting ready for demolition
I heard the warning loud like a siren
This was my intuition

Nothing more serious in my life that I can recall
My intuition never lied, I felt the shocking truth in my heart and soul

It saved my life before more than twice
It was screamed in my ear, you will suffer and deeply regret
This is final warning not a friendly advise
My father was gravely ill and I choose to sacrifice

It was turning ugly, much worse that I can handle, so bad
Not only a war, it was the third confrontation with death

Deeply wounded, bare foot, believed that I've managed escape
But the darkness was waiting nearby and covered me under It's cape

Never again save me please I won't dare ever do this again
Its to late intuition told me now you will understand    

That was six years back I survived and partially heal
And gave intuition a key from the locker where I keep my Self Will.....

*Continue in the poem “At The Darkness”

June 21 2011


There was a dream, I thought it was a dream

But it was something else very bizarre and extreme

I was somewhere then I got shot and killed

I saw myself dying feeling pain in my heart it was real

Watching myself dying from above

And I felt weightlessness, fragmented, transparent

I flew faster than light as I went somewhere and saw indescribable stuff

Later I realized where I was and the things I had learned

Even for me it was too much to absorb and overbearing

I had no fear as something guided my mind and told me not to worry

I felt her transparent presence explaining the story

She helped my brain to process the transitional stages

Without her I couldn't pass this test for a human being is too outrageous

She told me the place where we were at was called astral level 7

It's a place where a people's souls go after they die

Look like a transparent busy train station to heaven

There some other stuff I saw in different stages

Souls of the bad people's fragmentation

Some lost, some suffering locked up in invisible cages

Some of the things just have no words for explanation

I learned a lot of how human's past lives effect on their soul's fragmentation

I am better keep this to myself; it was so amazing

If I tell this to anyone on the Earth they would think I am crazy

Shouldn't supposed to be there until I am going to die

But she assisted this travel and now I know how to make it right

It was not an easy way to come back to the ground I didn't awake

I was pulled, felt like after drowning in deep waters of river or lake

Gasping for breath and later felt a little bit dizzy

I was lucky to come back at all after travel so far, it wasn't that easy.


At the darkness
(A blast from the past)

I been there. Where? At the darkness
Walking bare foot, stumble over the creatures of negative force
Swimming along with sharks, howl with the wolves on full moon
Hiding in holes with a rodents.

I have seen many bad things around
Existed near people who's done it
I pretend that I don't understand
I told them what they want it to hear
Playing role of flexible spineless puppet in evil hands of the puppeteer

Why? Because I wish to get lost
After I loss everyone I loved, everything I had
Ambushed by tragic deaths
One after another

Then two special people I trusted had my head on the platter
One was a man of 9 years in my life, the other one my half-blood  brother.

One is robbed, betrayed me so bad
One spit on my father's grave
His loaded 45' safety off click I felt on my forehead
Told me do you want to live? Not a muscle on me shaken
I said you took the rest, all was taken

Except dignity, this is so sad, but I am tired to be your slave, and rather be dead.
I step forward and he step back, I walk outside, that was it, I was hollow, totally wreck

Feeling cold in my chest, my heart was frozen, shallow beating inside like mechanical ball

And when I realized that I have nothing, Nothing to worry about
Nothing to care anymore, no doubt
Darkness was very inviting and I step inn under its cover
Silly thought this may help me recover

And of course never thought about myself, stop thinking at all
About the damage fragmenting my soul

One big lesson I learned
While digging myself from the pile of mud and dirt
Should be better reason for me in this life to be born
Other that live in the darkness abused and hurt

I saved all my human qualities, hidden from harm
Battling darkness, long time after the warning alarm
As long as I am alive, will do the best I can
Working hard to succeed again and again

Dreams of the Past, Present and Future

The biggest dream when you are a teen
To make a “slow” moving time fast forward
Can't hardly wait to be over eighteen
Which is perfectly normal

Thirty three and around at your prime
Wish to succeed in your dreams
It is the best age and time
To create your own family and your carriers

Then life suddenly changed it pace
Real world is far from perfection
Hard challenges that we have to faced
Far away from a dream recollection.

Life is a serious teacher, make you learn
The hard way from all the mistakes
And happens that all you have earned
Taken away and brakes

I was broken, bruised and scratched 
Until had not one solid bone
Left unharmed and untouched
By that time at late 30s realized, all is gone

Some people learn fast some never will
My awaking in early 40s
Helped to create an invisible shield
That protects from the stress and the worries

Balance inside of your mind
Yin and Yang daily workout
Every small thing with an underline sign
Leads to right answers, no doubt

May 2th 2011

Four-teen (Angel never died)

First is the birth, the growth
Short happy childhood
Life took wrong turn and skip being a teen
Long before time, become very young adult
At the age of Fourteen

Angel told you baby don't cry, Angel is in your heart deep inside

Mind confusion set by deep dark taboo
You don't understand how come, don't know why?
Only one thing you know is who,
Who did this to you, who force you to lied

In the mirror reflection look at your double, and saw a complete stranger
In reality you were just a child in big trouble and danger.

Only Angel will help you survive, only Angel will keep you alive

Angel inside you make you feel
Honored if you choose a sacrifice
Almost got yourself killed
Demon inside tell you to try,
Feel so good take a wild ride
And you took this advise

There was a wild ride
And at first you feel much better
Demon inside of you lied
Said that's will help to forget 

Only Angel in you never lied, only Angel in you never died

May 4th 2011


Promise me that you will not cry
Can happens anytime even tomorrow
Please be happy for me when I die

I will be free from all sorrow

Set me free from chaos and disaster
Flesh and bones let it rest in the hole
I would follow the light to see my Master

I mean the Master of my soul

I feel that strange power inside
Like mother told me 20 years ago
Just follow your path and you will be alright

You will find what you need it to know.

So I did found my purpose with a mission
Its the honor for a human being  soul
Powered with Higher permission

Very soon you will know all

I got clearly clues from more that one source
You can't change what's taking it coarse
Wrote for me connected each word

The Exit Sign

Later more and more I feel
When see exit signs that end is near

People like misbehaving guests why?
Because we overpowered the globe?
Wasted nature gifts sucked dry?
In the universe we are not bigger that a microbe

There is no more paradise for us
Dying planet want us out of here
Houses with the green trees and grass
Soon wont see anywhere near

Exit signs
In bright green light
Feels like the end of green zone reminds
We are passing through walking out left or right

What if one day we'll walk and there will be nothing but the dark outside?.........

Mother Nature gave us unlimited air supply
Furious to see us wasting Earthy essentials
Strikes trashing our homes and wasting our live
Stop battling with the force or  we'll never survive

United to protect our planet's environmental health and support victims of the natural disasters

June 2011

Plastic girl

Years ago then I was it all

Packed in plastic

Thought of technology

As groundbreaking reality into fantastic

Future depends on for all

Dream of every American boy and girl

Later realizing somewhere I was stuck

And saw the Western World as overloaded truck

Filled with the computers on the top of the cliff

That was beginning for me and for all new belief.

Opened the book of the Wisdom of the Ancients

Who became the Greatest Adepts that Exists

Learning about the civilizations

From the Depths of Far East.


I did forgave who hurt me bad
Who make me sick, who wants me dead
Who make me suffer after loss

Until my heart like stone frost

A tiny light of hope inside
Keep me away from suicide
I did forgave who broke my wings
A ruthless people who stole my things

I am alive and got a grip
But pain still there and grief is deep
A question mark addressed to sky

Who'll give the answer why I survive?

What is my answer in this world
Who knows the answer, clue or word?
I will continue seeking further

It is my Soul, and this its order

Finally I got the answers,
And stop a rabbits chase of new tomorrow
All of the knowledge and awareness
In the honor loved ones I have lost
Help to overcome of feeling sorrow

Prepared, put together all I got, listen to my Soul and follow my heart
Chosen right walking strong on my path


There is so much sadness
In my heart
In the rage of madness
Falling apart

There is so much grief
Without of tears I cry
I run out can you believe
All my lifetime tear supply

There is lost of trust
Like my brother traded loyalty for greed
So I traded my love for disgust
I can never forget what he did

I lost my mom, grandma and my dad
All my family died
I was shattered, left me on my own
I was broken, I want to be dead
Can you blaming why I wasn't strong?

I am stronger now
Not physically, in my heart
I can't really explain you how
I was finally found my path

When I got it that anger and madness
Never let settle peace in my mind
Today's rain is the tears of my sadness
Brings tomorrow rainbows and sunshine.

March 2011

Thirty three seconds
(Dedicated to the victims of natural disasters around the world)

We are living on the planet Earth
As long as the planet alive
Kicking the surface every 33 seconds non-stop
Every 33 seconds earthquake somewhere in the world
Someone losing home and (or) get hurt
We are the billion ants infecting the globe
Never all of us unite to help our planet survive.

Question is not how? Everyone knows why
It is how long? Until Mother Nature decide
How long will It take “this” and keep us alive

Exactly what is the meaning of “THIS”?
The problem is people indeed don't believe “this” is really exists!

Stop controversial thinking! The treat is real not a “Star Wars”
Those who in power to minimize global warming
Will never stops of course

Positive thinking is healthy but doesn't mean keep this subject avoided
Will you think otherwise if your house one day get destroyed?

My home in California by the Pacific bay
Luckily been unharmed in my lifetime + few more decade
Tourists all over the world watching sunset and graceful tides
So am I, make a wish: Live long and when is my time to die
Remember last second before this horizon collided with ocean and sky.

Until then continue doing my part for my planet defense
Along with the people who cares until the end of the days
Twice many thinks, what we're trying to do make no sense
What is done is done and cannot be erased

Every action has a consequence to follow up
Just in case if you never thought
What you do is your karma as well as I have mine
But we're share one world
I said more that enough and will stop
Only you can change your own mind

In the memory to all the victims of the Natural disasters around the world.

June 22nd 2011

Wear 'n' Tear

Damaged like a car beyond repair
Life isn't simply wear and tear
Within a years advance aware
Programmed your life for 20 years ahead
What if tomorrow you get hit by a car and ending dead

Curl up in the sofa watching TV
Accident on the freeway and someone is died
He was driving home when his karma strike
Can you see???

He was just like you lived in his bubble in big bubble bath
One day your bubble will pop, then what?

Someone else will be sit on the sofa and watching TV.

June 2011

Tears is Good Sometimes


Why sometimes I cry?

Home in peace and rest

Lost all interests

Nothing cheered me up

Feeling like a crap

Why I am depressed?

Sad and all alone

Praying to be strong

Empty in my heart

Fallowing apart

Everything the same

Life - pathetic game

Sick of all abuses

Ridiculous excuses

Praying to be strong

In the dark alone.

Why I let it slide

Lost again my pride

If I couldn't cry

I could loose my mind

Tears is good sometime

Give me reason WHY?

I am better shy?

Choking on my words

With my silent thoughts

If the words I say

Comes out the wrong way.

Many things is too late to catch

Self-educated how to speak, write and read

At the age of 27 start from scratch

My English language  learned from streets

My intellect is hurt

If I cannot find right word,

Get embarrassed, stop talking?

When hear somebody joking

Wrong sentencing, and grammar

But doesn't  make me dumber

If people like what I'm saying, they're listen

Help correcting what I am missing,

I am always asking a questions

To learn a new words and expressions

People not hesitate with right answer,

I am there with a paper and pencil.

I'm feeling already much better

I can read, write a poem or letter

Do it my paintings and drawings,

Sculpting from clay, plaster or doing ceramic

Graphics design animation

Precious jewelery, any creations.

Got my spiritual inspiration

I am Reiki and feel chi vibration

After typing about my grief

I'm  getting a little relief

Tomorrow all over again

Writing my goals with paper and pen

Will be better day after day

Pushing negativity away

I am praying for infinite peace

All forgiven, just forget and dismiss........

April 20th 2011

Depression Sucks

Depression sucks, threw me off the tracks
Just like everything is lost its meaning
What is next? Wait for the “new beginning”?
Bored out of my mind, tired even cry
Wish curl up and die.

In misery alone, what I am doing wrong?
Where is thirst for desire, thoughts that catch on fire?
Pray to stay strong, same old dance and song.

Feel like losing a battle, brain stuck in the gutter
With the rest of body parts
In my sleeve, there no more cards.

Please somebody drag me out of here
I just want to disappear……………………


The planet Earth
With billions people around the world
Wars everyday, everywhere
Very soon will be total chaotic nightmare

How much Mother Nature can take
Neglect and abuse from a Man
After tragic tsunami earthquake
Warning signs to consider and learn

A war over money and power
There is a judgment waiting beneath
Is it the time for the Higher Power
Kill dark forces of the human greed

Everybody united to help our planet survive,
For our children sake and their future life
The Earth will blooms if the roots will thrive

In the memory of the victims and their families affected by the natural disasters.
Dedicated to victims in Japan earthquake and tsunami

March 2011

March 2011


It’s Saturday again and here I am…

Alone with my thoughts with my prayer with my grief
When I will get some relief?
Who will understands me the most
Keep me going; help me find who I was

Who will encourage my jittery steps?
Feeling insights of my depths?

No one I guess
Friend is not a house guest
Friend is life achievements strong
Many times we’ll choosing wrong
Better off to be alone.

That is depression speaks, Stop!
Sick of saying: “feeling like crap”
I have friends they just live far away
They are in my heart everyday.

When we are reconnect after ten years
Saw her face and both just burst in tears
Thirty seven years later we are stand for each other
BFF, we're more than sisters, now she is more that my mother.

Nothing else in the world is greater that friendship like that.
We are never be apart only if one of us dead.

Happy Birthday Ira! 2/16/2011

Tears of the Seattle's rain

The sky turned gray
And clouds covered the sun
On April's warm spring day
Tears burst into a cold Seattle's rain

The grief of loss a man, the one
Talented musician with a voice and heart of gold
A beautiful human being soul

We'll miss you and love you forever- Layne..........

Dedication to Layne Staley "Alice in Chains"

who inspired me to the creative outlet in the form of the poetry


Certain things never leave
No matter how hard you try
There is one unconditional grief
Never go away until you die.

My falling friends,
And everyone I loved very much
The memories of you are so intense
Like always staying in touch

There is no measure for the grief
But we are alive and have move on
Time is a healer that give us relief
Today we are here one day we'll be gone

March 2011


Let's talk about love
Emotion complex beyond and above
Love can be attraction and pain
Its can make you happy or drive you insane

There is the times I want to scream I want to kill
Somebody who kill my love and make my heart ill
Bad people just can't stand to see me in peace
How much longer I have to put up with all this

I have been broken so many times in so many ways
I was shattered in pieces, which cannot be replace
Love is a risky game, but I am still willing to open my heart
But people playing with it, kicking, throw around then tear apart

Something I thought was called love
Now is hurt from deep scars not be able to heal
Delicate like a dove
That somebody choked broke in a half and killed

My believes is forgive everything and everyone
This is who I am and it is my fate
No matter how many bad things people done
In my life not existing word hate

No matter In English or Russian

Only if you learn to love yourself
And giving true love to your friend
You want to have this feeling
Before a life comes to the end

February 23, 2011

Creative outlet

I'm write in ink of bleeding heart, hard heavy truth I write

I'm painting things and shadows of the darkest side

Using my favor color, black all 7 shades

I speak my mind from the core to the bone no fear no hesitates

To clean all the toxic emotions and beautiful something create



I am praying to You

O Divine Universe

Through my Higher Self

Addressing my prayers

I am not asking for much

Please just give me peace of mind

And a little bit your mighty love

O Absolute Divine


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